Actually, you have a very wide array of options. People are now doing funerals in city parks, by a lake, in a forest, in their own homes, as well as in funeral homes and churches.

You can act as your own funeral director, if you want. Home funerals are legal in all 50 states. Only 5 states require that a licensed funeral director be involved.

You can comparison shop for a funeral just like you do for a car. Not all funeral homes provide exactly the same services for exactly the same price. The difference between two funeral homes in the same city can be quite substantial.

2. You are not alone

Usually, the task of planning a funeral falls to one person in the family. This can be very intimidating: national research shows that the vast majority of adults, over the age of 35, have said that they either (a) don't have a clue, or (b) would need help and guidance, when the time comes to plan a funeral.

There are many sources of help. Your minister, priest, rabbi or spiritual advisor can help. A neighbor or close friend, particularly if they have been through the sorrow of losing a loved one, is a tremendous help.

If you choose to go to a funeral home, take a friend with you. Let that friend be an active participant in the discussions: asking questions, making comments, being an advocate for you.

3. You are not powerless

When a loved one dies, almost everyone feels powerless. We could not stop the death, or the disease/injury that caused it. The vast majority of people retreat into a state of shock and denial, which is very normal and healthy.

The truth is that you have not lost your power. You can still "stand on your own two feet" and make decisions for yourself. Nobody can force you to make any decisions unless you give them the power to do that. When we stand in the shadows of death, surrendering that power is easy. It is tempting to let someone else stand up and speak while we nurse our emotional and psychological wounds. You are not compelled by anyone to surrender that power.

When you keep the power to control what is happening around you, the rest of the family will gather around you as a source of strength. You can ask them questions, and they will answer you. You can ask them to perform little tasks, and very likely they will comply.

4. Professional Advice is Available Around the Clock

You have around-the-clock access to hospice trained counselors who understand what it means to face death. Our counselors are trained to listen to you, listen to your feelings, and answer your questions.

When you call TributeDirect before your call the funeral home, you can save thousands of dollars on funeral products. You will also receive, at no extra charge, assistance in planning the funeral. You will learn how to save thousands of dollars by getting the right information. You will learn about the myths that surround funerals, and more importantly, you will learn how to de- mystify the funeral for your family.

TributeDirect counselors can help you find a funeral home that fits your needs and budget. They can help you locate a cemetery. They can help you decide what kind of monument or marker you will place at the grave of your loved one.

5. Plan in the privacy of your own home

Home is where we are the comfortable. We are accustomed to purchasing books, appliances, clothes, and entertainment with the help of the Internet. You can do the same thing with funerals.

When you plan the funeral in the privacy of your own home, you get to choose what you want to see, how long you want to visit and retailer, ask any questions you want. There is no pressure from a salesman, hovering over your every breath.

In the privacy of your own home, every family member can have something to say without fear. You can consult together on the kind of funeral you want to have for your loved one. You are on your own time schedule.

6. Set the schedule to meet your family's needs

You know your family better than anyone else. You know where they live, how long it will take them to gather, and what special needs they have. Who better to set the schedule than you?

Your clergy person will work with you and your schedule. Almost 100% of the time, your minister, priest, or rabbi can shift his or her schedule around to meet the schedule you set. The funeral home also has flexibility.

Take the time to get your family together. Talk together about the kind of funeral best fits the life and memories of your loved one. Then call TributeDirect to learn how to bring those plans into reality and still save thousands of dollars.

7. Hidden costs are illegal

The Federal Trade Commission deregulated the funeral industry in 1984. Funeral homes must provide you with a printed copy of their General Price List. They are allowed to charge only for the services and products they provide. Prices cannot be changed to make up for sales lost by your decision to purchase products from another source or to decline services they offer.

Funeral homes must also show you a price list for services that are not included in their basic fees. Be certain that you understand where your money is going before you sign the contract.

Most funeral homes are happy to work with TributeDirect , and accept our products. In the very rare occurrence when a funeral home tells you they won't accept a third party product, there is a $10,000 per occurrence fine. This is the ruling of the Federal Trade Commission.

8. Asking the right questions reduces stress

When people lose a loved one, they are at their most vulnerable, emotionally. We know this, and we feel this, and it produces great stress. It is not wrong to feel "stressed out," it is natural. The easiest way to reduce the stress is to ask questions and get information. Here is where your hospice professionals, your friends who have been down this path, and other knowledgeable people can make a difference for you.

Take some time to talk together with your family and discover what are the most stressful things being faced. When you have identified them (some ideas may be "where is the money going to come from?" and "we think cremation is a good idea, but we don't know how Mother felt about it", etc.), you are in a position to begin asking the right questions. You will be amazed at how much calmer you feel when you begin to assess your situation and identify the things that are bothering you the most.

9. Cremation does not limit your funeral options

You can still have a full funeral even if there is no body to bury. Many people have memorial services in their church or in the funeral home, even after the body has been cremated. Many of them have the urn, containing the ashes, present. Others would rather not have the ashes of their loved one present. There is no wrong answer. You are can exercise the full range of choices.

Some religions insist on cremation as the preferred way for the final disposition of the remains. Other faiths emphasize burial. And some are in a time of change. For instance, if you are Catholic, your loved one maybe cremated, but you may have to keep the body intact until after the Mass of the resurrection. (There is no official Catholic doctrine on this. You will need to consult the priest in your parish for his recommendations.)

10. Separate your transactions

This is a great way to reduce stress. You do need to plan a funeral in a fairly short period of time. Do you really need to decide on the monument or marker at the same time? Stop and consider: the monument will take several weeks to manufacture, ship and install. While you are still adjusting to the reality that death has visited your family, trying to decide what designs and what wording you want on the monument or marker may be too much distress. Separate the decisions.

You can wait till two or three weeks have passed (some folk wait even longer) before deciding what the monument or marker should say and what design should be on it. It is true that, in some cases, you can save money by purchasing the casket and marker at the same time. But, you don't have to decide on what goes on the marker until you are ready. Use that time to make your decision with a clearer mind.

11. Plan within your budget.

The average cost of a funeral is over $10,000 in the United States. Depending upon your finances, this may present a problem for you. It is a fact that more than 67% of the families in the U.S. make less than $45,000 a year. A funeral takes a big chunk of that income. Talk with the members of your family to see if there is a willingness to share the financial burden and spread the cost over a wider area.

Make a decision as to what you can realistically afford. Then shop to find the products that fit within your budget.

Remember that funeral homes generally do not sell cemetery products and cemeteries generally do not sell funeral products. The cemetery plot and the monument or markers are not included in the funeral home costs.

12. Stay true to your values.

Each of us lives by a set of values. For some people, the value of a casket is more important than the monument. For others, seeing a nice monument for years to come is more important than the casket. There is no wrong answer. Make your own decisions as to what is important, and stick to it.