As alternatives to a traditional funeral home or church, many people are now holding funeral services in public parks, on the shores of lakes, in forests, and in the privacy and comfort of their own homes.

You can function as your own funeral director. Home funerals are legal in all 50 states, but there are only five states that require the participation of a licensed funeral director. (Our counselors can let you know if the state where you will be holding the funeral requires this.)

Funeral homes present a convenient one-stop resource for the funeral process, but remember, you can comparison-shop for a funeral just like you would for a house, a car, or anything else. Not all funeral homes provide precisely the same services for the same prices. Two funeral homes in the same town can vary widely as to what they charge for identical products and services.

2. Don't go it alone

The primary responsibility for planning a funeral often falls to just one person within the family. This can be burdensome and intimidating. National research indicates that when the time comes to plan a funeral, most adults over the age of 35 feel that they either have no idea where to start or what to do, or else would need help and guidance from someone else.

Look to your minister, priest, rabbi or spiritual advisor as a resource. They have been a part of the funeral process countless times and can guide you through it. Also, a neighbor or close friend can be someone you can lean on, especially if they've been through the process before.

If you decide to use funeral home, take a knowledgeable friend with you. He or she can be an active participant in the discussions; asking questions that might not have occurred to you, making helpful suggestions, and functioning as an objective advocate on your behalf.

3. You have the power to make choices

Almost everyone feels powerless when a loved one dies. We were unable to prevent the death and had no way to heal the disease/injury that led to it. There is a natural tendency to retreat into a state of shock and denial. These are actually healthy, natural protection mechanisms that serve to shield us from the anguish and sense of loss.

In point of fact, you have not lost your power. You are still the person you were before your loved one passed. Your judgment and decision-making abilities are just as sound as they ever were. Have confidence in yourself. No one can force you to make a decision on anything unless you let them do that. Standing in the shadow of Death, it's easy to feel helpless and weak. There is a temptation to look to someone else to stand up and speak for us, while we tend to our emotional and psychological wounds. You can stand on your own two feet. You can and will make the right decisions.

When you have made the decision that you are going to control how things are going to be done, the rest of your family will gather around you and look to you as a source of strength. Ask them questions and they will provide answers. Asking them to perform simple but useful tasks will make them feel that they are valued and involved, and as a result, they will almost certainly be glad to help.

4. You can access professional advice 24/7

TributeDirect's hospice-trained counselors understand what it means to face death and they're available around-the-clock. Our counselors are trained to listen to you, listen to your feelings, and provide answers your questions.

By calling TributeDirect before making that call to a funeral home, you can save thousands of dollars on funeral products. When you purchase from TributeDirect, you will also receive assistance in planning the funeral, at no extra charge. You'll save thousands of dollars, just by getting the right information. You will learn about common myths surrounding funerals, and even more important than that, you will understand how to de-mystify the funeral process for yourself and your family.

TributeDirect counselors can help you find exactly the right funeral home that will fit both your needs and your budget. They can also help you locate a cemetery and decide the style of monument or marker to be placed at the grave of your loved one.

5. Do your planning in the privacy of your own home

Home is where we are the most comfortable. Most people use their home computer when purchasing books, appliances, clothes, travel accommodations and entertainment via the Internet. You can make funeral arrangements the same convenient way.

When you make funeral arrangements from home, you get to choose what you want to see, how long you want to visit a retailer, and ask any questions you want. There is no pressure from a salesman, hovering over your shoulder.

In the privacy the home setting, family members can have their say without fear and you can consult together on the kind of funeral you want to have for your loved one. You can take your time and there's no hurry to meet a schedule.

6. Schedule events to meet the needs of your family

You know your family better than anyone else. You know how near or far away they live, how long it will take them to gather, and what special needs they may have. No one is better qualified to set the schedule than you are.

Nearly 100% of the time, your minister, priest, or rabbi will be willing to shift his or her schedule to work with your time-table. Funeral homes also have flexibility in when things start, how long they last, and when a service concludes.

Take the time to get your family together. Discuss which kind of funeral best fits the life and memories of your loved one. Then call TributeDirect to learn how make those plans a reality, while still saving thousands of dollars.

7. Hidden costs are against the law!

In 1984, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) deregulated the funeral industry, but funeral homes must still provide you with a printed copy of their General Price List and are allowed to charge only for the services and products they actually provide. Their prices cannot be changed to compensate for sales dollars lost by your decision to purchase products from another source or services that you decline to purchase.

Funeral homes are also still required to show you a price list for any services not included in their basic fees. Make sure that you understand clearly where your money is going, BEFORE you sign a contract.

Most funeral homes are glad to work with TributeDirect and accept delivery of our products. In the very rare event in which a funeral home declines to accept a third party product, they can be subject to a $10,000 fine for each occurrence, according to the FTC.

8. Reduce your stress-level by asking the right questions

When someone loses a loved one, they are at their most vulnerable, emotionally. At TributeDirect, we understand this and the stress it produces. There's nothing wrong with feeling "stressed out," it is a natural part of the experience. The best way to reduce the stress is to ask questions and get information that restores your confidence that the situation is under control. This is where hospice professionals, close friends who have been down this path, and other knowledgeable people can make a difference for you.

Take some time to talk together with your family and identifying the most stressful things facing you. When you have identified them ("where is the money going to come from?", "we think cremation is a good idea, but we don't know how our mother felt about it", etc.), you are in a position to begin asking the right questions. You will be amazed at how much better you'll feel when you begin to assess your situation and can pinpoint the issues that are bothering you the most.

9. Choosing Cremation does not limit your funeral choices

You may still choose to have a full funeral even if there is no body to bury. Often people have memorial services in their church or in a funeral home, even though the body has already been cremated. Many choose have the urn, containing the ashes, present at the service. Others may prefer to not have the ashes of their loved one present. There is no wrong decision.

Some religions insist on cremation as the preferred way for the final disposition of the remains, while other faiths emphasize burial. Some faiths are in transition. As an example, for Catholics, your loved one may be cremated, but you might be required to keep the body intact until after the Mass of the Resurrection. (There is no official Catholic doctrine on this. You will need to consult the priest in your parish for his recommendations.)

10. Separate your transactions

Do things one step at a time. This is a great way to reduce stress. You do need to plan a funeral in a relatively short period of time, but not everything has to be decided "right now". For example, is there really a need to decide on a monument or marker immediately? Take a moment and consider that the monument will take several weeks to manufacture, ship, and install. While you are still adjusting to the reality that death has visited your family, trying to decide what designs and what wording you want on the monument or marker may be an unnecessary burden. It might be less stressful to make those decisions a little later.

You can wait two or three weeks (or even longer) before deciding what the monument or marker should say and what design should be on it. You can often save money by purchasing the casket and marker at the same time, but you don't have to decide what goes on the marker until you are ready. Take your time and make your decision with a clearer mind.

11. Plan within your budget.

The average cost of a funeral exceeds $10,000 in the United States, and depending on your finances, this may present a problem. More than 67% of the families in the U.S. make less than $45,000 a year and funeral expenses can take up a big chunk of that income. Talk with your family to see if there is a willingness to share the financial burden and spread the cost between several individuals.

Keep in mind that funeral homes generally do not sell cemetery products and cemeteries usually do not sell funeral products. The cemetery plot and the monument or marker are not included in the funeral home costs. For some people, the value of a casket is more important than the monument. For others, seeing a nice monument for years to come is more important than the casket. There is no wrong answer.

Make a thoughtful decision about how you want to allocate your funds and what you can realistically afford. Then shop around to find the products that fit within that budget.